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In life, sometimes we find ourselves
at a crossroads.
In New York, that crossroads tends to be busy and very loud.
Sorry! You're waiting.
I know, I'm ten minutes late.
- Well, I'm three weeks late. - What?
- I'm pregnant. - Spare change?
- I'm sorry. - I've got it.
You are beautiful ladies. You'll make some man very happy.
You're pregnant? Really?
No, I thought it might be a fun thing to say.
You're sure?
I took three EPT tests
and I'm coming from my doctor.
That's why we're meeting at 23rd and I'm in Hell.
When have you been having sex? I did not mean that the way it sounds.
Steve.
- You're sleeping with Steve? - Slept, once, singular.
It was a mercy fuck. He only had one ball.
I guess that's all he needed.
No kidding!
Apparently the other one was ornamental.
- Why didn't I use a condom? - You didn't use a condom?
He has one ball, I have a lazy ovary.
In what twisted world does that create a baby?
It's like the Special Olympics of conception.
Have you told him?
Why would l? I'm not having it.
- Is it OK not to tell him? - I don't know. Is it?
While Miranda took a pregnant pause,
Charlotte got an unpleasant surprise of her own:
her period.
Charlotte brought party favourites.
- I'll never get pregnant. - Would you move the Tampax?
When I think of all those women every day getting pregnant.
- I've been trying for five months. - You'll get pregnant.
When? A woman of 35 has only a 30% chance of conceiving.
- The numbers go down from there. - Numbers can be wrong.
How do you explain the number of crying children on planes?
- This is not a laughing matter. - I thought this was brunch,
- not a fertility seminar. - Let's all just...
Shall we get you a menu?
It's me. I probably can't have a baby.
- Don't say that. - Trey is fine. I know it's me.
- It's not you. - Then what is it?
I hear stories about people getting pregnant just looking at each other.
I do it on my head, on my side, on the top, on the bottom.
- On the top, then the bottom... - This is brunch talk.
Do you know how many times we have done it without a condom? 73.
Have you any idea how much semen that is?
No. Samantha, rough estimate?
Enough to know that it's me.
In my 20s I worried I'd get pregnant.
I could have been screwing everything in sight!
Coulda, woulda, shoulda.
I should have been so lucky to get pregnant by mistake.
What's with the eyes, Miranda?
Nothing.
You haven't said a word and you're making the eyes.
- It's nothing. - You think I'm pathetic.
- It's not about you. - What's not about me?
I cannot think of a worse time to tell you this.
- What the 'F' is going on? - I'm pregnant.
- Steve. - Mercy fuck?
He only has one ball!
Have a sip of water.
How could you do this to me?
Stop, please.
What are you going to do?
You're not going to consider having it?
This is not in my plans right now.
I feel awful talking about this in front of you.
Then I'll leave. You can sit here and have your abortion talk.
Charlotte, please sit down.
She didn't mean it. All she can think about is babies.
- She makes me sound... - Don't do that.
It's less than a desirable situation, but it happens.
- We've all been there. - I haven't!
I've had two. What about you?
One.
Right, that waiter at TGl Fridays.
Can we not make this worse than it was?
He was a waiter at the Saloon. And let me remind you:
in 1988, the Saloon was very happening.
Apparently.
Ready yet? 20 minutes. Let's go!
- What? - Nothing.
What?
Are you cuckoo now? Are you going cuckoo on me?
I want to tell you something,
but you have to swear you won't tell anyone.
- I promise. - Here.
- Swear on Chanel. - I swear.
Miranda's pregnant and she's having an abortion.
Charlotte's devastated because she's been trying to get pregnant.
- This is bad all round. - Come here.
If Miranda doesn't want the kid, can't she give it to Charlotte?
No. It's not like a sweater.
Who's the guy?
This is why you can't tell anyone.
It's Steve. And he doesn't know!
Come on!
- I feel like you just trapped me. - I had to tell you.
It's all I could think about. I can't even pick a shoe.
She's going to do it without telling him?
- What? - It's his baby too.
Technically, it's not going to be anybody's baby.
So it's all her decision?
Seems like the guy gets the shit end of the stick.
It's a tough situation. I don't know.
You ever had one?
No. God, no.
Thank God.
- lsn't that one adorable? - Which one?
The red one. I love it.
The Birkin bag? That's not even your style.
It's not the style.
- It's what it means. - It means you're out 4,000 bucks.
When I'm carrying that bag, I'll know I've made it.
- The visiting hours are over. - Bye-bye, Birkin.
I'm going with Miranda when she goes.
I was alone and it was awful.
- Why didn't you ask somebody? - It's not a thing you publicise.
I lied to Aidan about having one.
It just came out. I think he seemed relieved
that he could still think of me in a certain way.
I don't know why I lied.
Maybe you still want him to think of you in a certain way.
It happened. You made the right decision.
But I never told the guy.
You can't go down that road.
Did you really want to have a child with a guy who serves burgers?
I could have a 13 year-old child!
But then I wouldn't have known you. Can you imagine it?
No, I can't.
- I should have told Aidan. - Coulda, woulda, shoulda!
So many roads, so many detours.
So many choices, so many mistakes.
As we drive along the road called life, occasionally a gal will be a little lost.
When that happens, she has to let go of the "coulda, shoulda, woulda"
and just keep going.
As we speed along to the destination called "Who We Hope To Be",
I can't help but whine: are we there yet?
For a publicist like Samantha, the road to success was paved with stars.
Case in point: lunch with Lucy Liu.
- I had no idea you were from New York. - I'm a New York girl from Queens.
That's amazing! I don't get Queens from you.
Look, bitch. Don't start with me, right?
That's good.
Here's what I need.
I'm looking for someone from New York. My last PR guy was a total liar.
I'm a big girl. I can take the truth.
You want the truth?
Your last Golden Globe dress was a disaster.
That's what I thought, but the queens said it was fierce.
A girl from Queens should know better than to listen to queens.
Another thing: I was a waitress.
25%. Very nice.
When I'm representing you, it's class all the way.
- It's 4,000. - I know.
And there's a waiting list.
- Five years. - For a bag?
It's not a bag. It's a Birkin.
Samantha was never one for waiting in line,
so she cut right to the front.
It's not for me. It's for Lucy Liu. I'm her press rep.
I would love her to carry this bag to a premiere.
It would be photographed to death. Does that make a difference?
Let me get Francesca, our press rep, on the phone.
Would you? How very helpful.
Over on Park Avenue,
Charlotte decided she couldn't wait any longer either.
I'm calling to make an appointment with Dr Peck.
We're having...
I'm having some difficulty. I think I need some fertility testing.
I would like to make an appointment with Dr Genya.
I need to come in for a...
...procedure. I'm pregnant and l...
...need not to be.
A few days later, Samantha went down a road she shouldn't.
Hello. Francesca? Samantha Jones.
Question: how long does Lucy Liu have to wait for that Birkin?
If they're so hard to get,
why did I just see a fucking nobody carrying the exact one we want?
Lucy Liu is a big fucking star! She wants that bag.
Is Hermès French for "we take our fucking time"?
Thank you so much.
My God! You scared me.
Sorry. It's not a breaking and entering.
Your guy needed to take a leak.
- So what's new? - Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
- So how are things? - The bar's busting my hump.
It's pretty good.
- How's Miranda? Is she OK? - What do you mean?
- She never calls me back. - She's great.
She must be pretty busy.
Did you tell him? About Miranda and the...?
Are you sure? He's asking about Miranda.
- He always asks about Miranda. - You told him, didn't you?
It's OK. I can't keep secrets, either.
- I didn't tell him. - He's looking at me funny.
He looks that way at everyone.
I didn't tell him, but he deserves to know.
- I don't agree with what she's doing. - It's nothing to do with you.
Hey, chief. You told me. I'd as soon not know any of it!
Sometimes you get in situations that are hard.
We shouldn't be having this conversation with him in the next room, so just go.
Go. He's probably listening.
- What's bugging you? - Nothing.
Let's go!
Tell Miranda I said hi.
I'm on a wait list. My regular doctor doesn't do them.
"No judgement". She said it like it was all one word.
"l don't perform them. No judgement."
I'm waiting to see if another doctor can fit me in.
- Have you thought about telling Steve? - No. Why would I tell Steve?
Maybe he has a right to know. No judgement.
It sounds like judgement.
I told Aidan. I had to.
He'll tell Steve!
- I made him swear. On Chanel. - If he took the oath of fabric....
He had strong opinions about the guy having the right to know.
I didn't think this could get any worse, but it has.
- Now I have to think about Steve? - Wouldn't you want to know?
I don't even want to know and it's me!
Did you tell that guy from TGl Fridays?
It was the Saloon! No, I didn't.
I was 22. We barely knew each other.
We slept together once after a drunken night at the Tunnel.
The Tunnel? No judgement.
- Maybe I should have told him. - I'm not telling Steve.
He'd want me to have it.
You know what? You're right.
Forget my life. I'm having Steve's baby.
Pizza for everybody!
Everything looks just fine.
It looks good.
- No, sorry. Spoke too soon. - What is it?
Your blood and mucus tests show elevated anti-sperm antibodies.
Is that bad?
It will be more difficult to conceive naturally.
- How much more difficult? - I'd give it a 15% shot.
I would not suggest you wait much longer before you explore in vitro.
After they learnt about their detour on the road to baby,
Trey had to go back to the hospital. Charlotte decided to walk home.
- "Oh, hi?" Are you kidding me? - What do you mean?
You saw me and walked the other way.
I didn't see you, I just changed direction.
You don't return my calls and now you pretend not to see me.
I really can't see you right now.
You have to, I'm standing right here.
I'm sorry about this whole thing, but it's not a personal attack on you.
- I don't want to talk about this. - This is hard for me too,
worrying that you hate me because you think you can't get pregnant.
- I can't get pregnant. - If I can, you can.
No, I can't. I just came from the doctor.
My body is attacking Trey's sperm.
15% chance of ever having a baby!
- Is it OK if I go now? - Sure.
- Shall I walk with you? - No, I just want to be alone.
I'll walk a little way behind you in case you want to talk.
No, I'm OK.
Charlotte walked all the way home.
Even though she never turned back,
she knew Miranda was behind her.
That's Lucy Liu!
Sorry I'm late.
- Don't worry about it. - Look what I got.
A man dropped it off at my hotel this morning. Hermès.
It's a Birkin. Not really my style, but it's a free bag.
It's not exactly free. I paid for it.
- That's my bag. - What do you mean?
There was a five-year waiting list. I used your name.
Cutting to the chase, yes.
As long as we're cutting to the chase, the PR rep from Hermès called
and told me my rep yelled "fuck" at her 12 times.
Is that your idea of class?
- I have never used the 'F' word! - Who the fuck are you kidding?
Yes, I called to check on the bag. You know what?
I was on my cell. Maybe she picked up a crazy person.
One time, I got this woman screaming from somewhere in New Jersey.
The only thing worse than a liar is a bad liar.
- I won't need your services any more. - I am telling the truth.
If I was as bad an actress as you, I'd still be working at TGl Fridays.
That's my fucking Birkin!
There went Lucy Liu, all because of a Lucy lie.
Meanwhile, I found myself back at a familiar crossroads:
the corner of Columbus and 1988.
It was amazing. It hadn't changed at all.
Same table, same menu...
...same waiter.
Burger medium-well, calamari.
I couldn't believe it.
His roller skates were gone, his hair was thinner,
but it was definitely Chad.
"Drunken night at Tunnel" Chad.
- You ready to order? - Hello, there.
Our soups of the day are lentil and tortilla.
Chad?
It's me, Carrie.
Bradshaw.
We met 13 years ago.
I came in a few times, half lemonade, half ice tea.
And then there was that night at the Tunnel.
Tunnel?
- I never went to Tunnel. - You went to Tunnel.
Sorry, Cherie. I don't remember.
- It's Carrie. - Right, Carrie.
I'll take the lentil soup and some crackers.
Crackers come with.
Was I at least smart enough to try something?
No. You were the perfect gentleman.
I stayed in 1988 long enough to realise I had made the right decision.
Even though I was sitting in the same seat,
I was in a totally different place.
Do you suffer from headaches, allergies, diabetes?
No, no, no.
Bad judgement with old boyfriends? Yes.
I think I can write that in.
Does it hurt?
Not really. Mostly it's just unpleasant.
What about after? How long until I feel back to normal?
- You'll have to ask them. - How long until you felt normal?
Any day now.
I'm doing the right thing.
- Right? - I cannot answer that.
- What do you think? - What do you think?
Want to go one more round?
Charlotte has a 15% chance, so she's really trying.
What if I wake up at 43 and find that my one semi-decent ovary gave up
- and I can't have kids? - 43?
That's my scary age.
Mine's 45.
This happened against the odds.
My stupid egg found its way to the three sperm he had left.
God, Carrie.
Is this my baby?
- What am I waiting for? - Sweetie, do you want to leave?
No.
I can't have a baby.
I could barely find the time to schedule this abortion.
Miranda Hobbes?
Motherfucker!
- Take it easy. Sip slowly. - I'm OK.
- Little pillow here. - I got it.
I thought flowers might do whatever they do in a situation like this.
I felt the same about lemon strudel.
- How are you feeling? - Pretty freaked out.
Charlotte, I didn't do it.
I'm keeping the baby.
Oh, my God.
We're having a baby?
And with those four little words, three aunts were born.
As for me, I shoulda left Miranda's earlier so I woulda been on time.
Ten minutes late. That's the charm in me.
They wouldn't seat me till my party was here.
- I'm your party? - Excuse me?
Here she is.
We let the table go. There'll be a wait.
- We can go someplace else. - And wait there?
- We'll be at the bar. - I'll put your name on the list.
There's a wait to wait?
We'll be outside. Don't forget us.
Excuse me.
- How's that beer? - That's classy. No waiting.
Nice!
I lied to you.
I did have an abortion.
The condom broke.
That's another lie. There was no condom.
- Why all the lying? - I'm afraid you'll judge me.
For being 18 and sleeping with a guy without a condom,
getting pregnant and not telling him.
There. That's the whole truth.
Except that I was twenty...
...two.
22. I should've known better.
- Is your name really Carrie? - Yes.
Are you judging me?
- I was no angel. - Did you get a girl pregnant?
No, not that I know of.
It must be nice to be a guy sometimes.
Am I still your girl?
- Your table is ready. - Be right there.
Another thing: Miranda's keeping the baby.
Don't tell Steve. It's not our business.
They say life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.
But sometimes in New York,
Iife is what happens when you're waiting for a table.
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